Meaningful Ways to Support a Loved One with a Health Concern
Experiencing a health concern can be scary and challenging. Supporting a loved one can be too - especially when you desperately want to be helpful but don’t know how. Here are some meaningful ways to be there for your loved one, while keeping your own wellness in mind too.
Ask them how they’re feeling and how you can help. We have a tendency to support people in ways that we ourselves would want to be supported, but we’re all different. For some, hugs and long talks might be healing. For others, it might be space and quiet. For someone with brain fog and anxiety, helping them sort through decisions might be helpful. For someone with pain and fatigue, running an errand, cooking a meal, or doing their laundry could have a bigger impact than you realize.
Learn more about the health concern. The internet can be a vast and frightening place. It can be difficult to know where to look for trusted and credible information, especially while experiencing common symptoms such as fatigue, depression, anxiety, irritability, or hopelessness. Show the person you love that you care enough to take the time to learn about what they are going through and support them in sifting through the abundance of information.
Know not all medical or helping professionals will be a good fit. It’s okay to get a second opinion or want to seek out a professional who feels like a better match for you. It’s okay to explore a variety of different types of health professionals too. Remember that many health concerns have both physical and emotional impacts and it’s important to consider seeking help with both.
Go to appointments with them when appropriate. It can be difficult to listen, write, and retain information in medical settings and it can be very helpful to have another set of ears and eyes.
Support them through changes in diet, lifestyle, or medications. Unless a medical emergency, encourage them to take small, manageable steps at their own pace. If a change they’re trying out is one that could benefit you too - jump in together! If it’s not something you can do authentically (or it would be harmful to your health), work on another goal. Working alongside someone, even if your goals are different, can be motivating and bonding.
Encourage them to find connection. Having a new diagnosis or health concern can be lonely. Encourage your loved one to seek support from reputable books, websites, or even in-person or online support groups. It might be tempting to seek support from online forums and message boards, but remember that they are full of individual experiences, opinions, and lots of subjectivity, so they should be read with caution.
Expect ups and downs. Healing is rarely a linear process. Your loved one may have days when they feel lighter, more hopeful, and able to take action. They will also have days when they feel sad, alone, and stuck. At those times, keep your energy light and positive, but try not to push any action.
Remember that healing involves trial, error, and time. Not every doctor visit, meditation, or good night’s sleep will produce immediate results. If we attempt to view a healing journey as a series of experiments, we may be less likely to form such deep emotional connections to the outcomes (and thus such severe let downs when the action taken doesn’t result in the desired outcome).
Take care of yourself. Being a support person for someone with a health concern can be challenging and even frustrating at times and you absolutely deserve support. You might consider seeking support from an additional party.
Take your loved one out to do something easy and fun. Sometimes distraction, fresh air, and feeling “normal” again can be very healing for both of you! Assure them that it’s okay if the activity needs to be altered a bit to accommodate health needs.